Month: May 2014
Why Recovery?
So Im here thinking why do I want to recover? really why?
- To have a family
- To improve my relationship with my boyfriend
- To feel better about myself
- So im doing everything I possible can to fight my depression + Anxiety (since eating or lack of eating effects your mood)
- So I can move forward with life
- To improve my mood
- So my medications work properly (I was told they wont work properly if im malnourished)
- To be able to eat what I want when I want and not hate myself for it
- So I can live my life
- To not compare myself to everyone I see and see people for people not just collarbones,hipbones,thigh gaps
- To have more energy
- So my life wont revolve around weight, calories and food
- So my hair doesnt fall out anymore
- So im not that “girl with the eating disorder” anymore
- To be healthy
And im sure theres even more.
Dear eating disorder
had to do this for my e.d groups, first one is writing to it as its your best friend second one as if its your worst enemy.
Dear eating disorder,
I’ve known you for quite some time now and we have gotten really close. I think about you all the time. You are always there when I need someone. When I feel out of control you always know how to help me gain control. You’ve never have left my side, even though somedays I wish you would. You are the one thing in my life I can always relie on. So thanks eating disorder for always being there for me.
Dear eating disorder,
I hate you. You hold me back from so much in life. Your mean, controlling and demanding. You always make me feel so bad about myself. Your constantly picking on me and putting me down. Somedays I just wish you would go away forever. Your very manipulative, you always have to be right. Im not sure why I even bothered with you so please leave me alone..forever
Depression
Depression is like a black hole that you r trapped in an can’t get out. I feel lost and drained I wish it would end. I’ve been dealing with depression “officially” for 5 years but really all my life I’ve been this way. I’ve tried so many drugs and it’s not working I’ve been to so much therapy I’ve been in hospitals impatient programs but nothing seems to work like I want to get better I want this to stop but why is nothing working I feel like the only way out will be suicide
Why I dont want anorexia
A few months ago, when my cousin told me she had anorexia, I was jealous. Here I am with ednos, and like im a lame excuse for a having an eating disorder, Im not even skinny. Im not 15% underweight to be diagnosed anorexic. But really why would I want that. Why would it to get to that point where im so skinny in order to recover I have to gain a ton of weight, that would be terrible. Its already the end of the world when I gain 1 or 2 lbs never mind having to gain like 20lbs to recover. I was already scared to death when I went to my doctors appointment and they told me some of the effects starving myself was having on my body but imagination if I was underweight on top of that and I was even sicker. Yes I want to be skinny Yes I want to be sickly skinny but is it really worth it. If im already suffering why would I want to suffer more.
about me
My name is Stephanie, im 20 years old and I have an eating disorder. It basically defines my life right now. But im beginning to recover. I also have many mental illness diagnosis, depression, severe anxiety, panic disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder and post tramic stress disorder. I have self harmed since I was 14 years old. But I have been trying to stop for about a year now. There is more to me then just diagnosis, I want to get better and live a normal life, if thats possible. I want to get to the point where im well enough to help other people, and stop them from hurting themselves the way I am/have. I have a boyfriend I have been with for 3 years, hes what keeps me going and what I want to get better for.
darling im broken 